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ENGLISH Psychology

ENGLISH Psychology HAPPINESS AND CONTENTMENT Some of you know Sven Rebel from the RBB mini-series Queer4You. As an integral life and business coach, he helps people to discover their own contentment. Here he tells us exactly how this works and what he personally thinks about contentment and the difficulties it entails. Why is happiness important at all? We all strive for happiness, but happiness is fleeting. It means something different for everyone, but is generally referred to as a state of momentary ecstasy. Contentment or satisfaction, on the other hand, is a state that remains and can be maintained. Being content is not just for a brief moment and it means the absence of negative emotions. Many people come to me and say: I want to be happy. But they often cannot define what that means for them. It is usually linked to an idea, such as having more money. But if I then ask specifically whether the problems would be solved if the person suddenly had more money, the answer is usually clear: No! So, if you ask about happiness, it never really comes about despite any of the associated thoughts. If you are satisfied or content, there can also be small deficiencies in life without any real suffering. That should be the ideal state to live mentally healthy. Isn‘t that some kind of lame compromise? Everyone has to decide for themselves. I cannot tell anyone what he or she should feel is good. The basic idea of ​my coaching is that every person unconsciously already knows how to live contentedly, but has no access to this information. I try to break thought patterns and question beliefs or orientations in order to enable a change of perspective. Only then can a change occur. You know that from smokers or diets, when nothing really works: only from the moment when the person themself finds the turning point will the desired improvement happen. So, how does your coaching work? As a rule, I carry out individual coaching, but they differ massively - both in terms of location and topics. I make sure to only accept jobs where I can really help. Sometimes I just talk to the client, sometimes I use creative tools like writing. Esoteric tools also come in when someone has a spiritual background. But I also work with companies where discussions take place in small groups, depending on where the conflict is and the solution has to be found. The coaching is, therefore, always based on the topic or the respective person. Do you also counsel couples? I meet both gay and straight couples who reach out to me. However, I do not coach both of them at the same time, except for the first interview. Then I work with the partners individually. And I tell both of them from the start that I can guarantee that they will be more content people afterwards. But not that they necessarily still have a relationship. I can’t save a partnership where both involved are dissatisfied. Can your own contentment be separated from that of the environment, all the friendships or partnerships that you have? You can very well be content on your own. Whether you will be “enlightened” is another question. This is something I believe you can never really achieve. If we look at psychology, we see that we are exposed to so many fears even as very young people: Triggers are set and thought patterns are instilled. We cannot break away from that. But we can work with it. To be able to sit like Buddha on a mountain, completely happy, is perhaps a beautiful goal, and one should strive for it. But let’s not lose sight of the fact that we are humans. We live in a certain environment that is not perfect. You are not perfect yourself. So this shouldn’t be the objective. We are all interrupted in our happiness or contentment again and again. The important thing is not to give up, but to learn to deal with it. You have to find ways to cope with every construction site in life in relation to yourself and others. I always say, “Stay Life and business coach Sven Rebel with yourself.” We have no right to judge how someone else lives. But you can move away from situations or people who do not suit you. I can only take responsibility for my own decisions, not for those of others. Are there any issues that arise especially with gay men? There are things that I hear over and over again, but that doesn‘t mean that these problems appear 18 CHECK | AUSGABE 3 CHECK | AUSGABE 3 19

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blu, hinnerk, gab, rik, Leo – die Magazine der blu Mediengruppe erscheinen monatlich in den Metropolen Deutschlands. Die nationale Reichweite der Magazine ermöglicht den reisefreudigen Lesern Zugriff auf alle Informationen immer und überall. Themenschwerpunkte sind neben der regionalen queeren Szene, Kultur, Wellness, Design, Mode und Reise. Unsere Titel sind mit der lokalen Community jahrzehntelang gewachsen und eng verbunden, was durch Medienpartnerschaften mit den CSD-Paraden in Hamburg, Berlin, München und Frankfurt sowie zahlreiche Kooperationen, wie der Christmas Avenue in Köln, seinen Ausdruck findet.